A Thousand Miles From The Place I Was Born

Problem Solved

Andi — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 20:02:44 +0000

Now, I know this is going to elicit groans from all of you, but I’m one of those people who likes to get my Christmas shopping done way early – like before Halloween if I can manage it. Sure, there are always a few last-minute things that I pick up, because I invariably forget a few people on my list (like my “Secret Santa” gift at work, or something for my ex from my daughter.) But for the most part, I manage to avoid the last-minute frantic rush to finish my shopping. However, I know that many of you are mired in that chaos even as we speak, so I’m going to get all “Holiday Spirit” on your ass and help you out. Because I’m a phenomenal human being, of course. Here you go:

For the woman in your life:

For the man in your life:

Really, why just say “Merry Christmas” when you can say “There’s somethin’ funky going on in your nether regions”?

You are welcome, people.

Reincarnation

Andi — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 18:11:23 +0000

NOW do you believe???

Listen to This! Them Crooked Vultures

Andi — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 19:43:55 +0000

What do you get when you cross Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters) with Josh Homme (Kyuss, Queens of The Stone Age) and John Paul Jones (Led Zeppelin)???

Freakin’ awesomeness, that’s what!!

Check out this video for “Nobody Loves Me and Neither Do I” from Them Crooked Vultures. Then RUN to iTunes and download it for yourself.

You are welcome.

The Fine Art of Juggling

Andi — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 22:03:04 +0000

It’s been well over a month since I last posted, and many of you have expressed your concern. I have been a little overwhelmed with life lately, but I’m starting to put the pieces back together. It has taken me weeks to feel even remotely ready to blog about it, and I’m not still sure that I’m ready. I struggle to find the words to describe what I have been dealing with, and I struggle with whether or not this is an appropriate place to discuss it. But this blog has always been a sort of therapy for me, and I know that bringing it to this forum will only serve to heal me in the long run. So here goes.

My therapist once told me that I deal with anxiety on a daily basis without even realizing that I do so. I stand there frantically juggling a hundred balls saying “What, this?? Everybody does this!” But the reality is that it’s not normal to juggle a hundred balls, nor is it normal to expect that of myself. And yet, I cannot seem to stop. I add more and more balls without really understanding where my boundaries are. It wasn’t until I experienced a traumatic event that caused all the balls to crash to the ground that I’ve even been able to identify them. There’s the one for being a single Mom, one for the bills that always seem to be larger than my paychecks, one for my ex-husband stress, one for my job(s), one for the long list of home repairs that I am not skilled enough to do myself and not rich enough to pay someone to do for me. Then I add one for my Mom’s illness and one for the guilt I feel because my Dad is dealing with it all on his own. And just when you’d think I’ve got my hands full already, I added a ball (or twelve) when CCB ended our relationship. Stressed much??

And just when I was barely holding on, I became the victim of a violent crime and it completely shattered my world. In the hours immediately following my attack, I reached out to my friends and to the professionals that could help me. But once I was released from the hospital and the police report was made, I naively (stupidly?) made the decision to go on with life as if nothing had happened. I thought I could continue juggling and discovered in a dramatic way that I couldn’t. Every ball I was juggling crashed to the ground and I came to a complete halt. My friends and family expressed concern (my sweet sister, with her intuitive nature, actually lost sleep over me.) In the end, it was actually my supervisor at work who noticed an abrupt decline in my usual high level of performance and encouraged me to get some help.

I stopped and took stock of my situation. I hibernated and took a lot of long, hot baths. I talked to my therapist, my friends, and my family. I leaned on anyone who offered their help to me. Before the attack, I met a really cool guy who was both a security consultant and a bond enforcement agent (the phrase “bounty hunter” is so played out, apparently), and to say that he made me feel safe is an understatement. He’d show up at my house with his gun and his taser and hold me in his huge, muscled arms while I slept. In the weeks after the attack, it was the only solid sleep I got. He educated me about how to feel safe again in my home, and reminded me that I was in no way responsible for what happened to me. And slowly, surely, I began to heal.

I am now returning to my former self. I am utilizing the organizational skills that have served me well over the years and am making lists that are helping me restore sanity to my life. My home is becoming my refuge again, and I am finding my way out of this fog. I am spending time with my beautiful daughter, my supportive friends and my loving family. I am finding more and more things to laugh about and I am recognizing my soul again.

It’s a good start.

The Secret Life of Wasps

Andi — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 18:25:48 +0000

Ok, first things first. You all expressed so much interest in the “new friend” that I mentioned in the last post that I just had to tell you what a strange experience that turned out to be. He was a nice enough guy who just so happened to think that using 150 adjectives in every single sentence might be the best way to communicate. For instance, this was one of his lines: “I am sweetly interested in the conversational pleasures of women.” What the WHAT?!?! I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt, even gently suggesting that he tone it down a notch or a hundred, but it didn’t quite sink in. So it’s a “NO” from me, Piers.

I’m still putting myself out there and hopefully will find a normal guy soon. But in the meantime, my friend Kim lent me her hubby, John for some winterizing at my home. He was in the process of weeding and mulching my flower beds when he (or more precisely, Kim’s son Bailey) noticed a large number of wasps flying in and out of the sprinkler box in my flower bed. John was brave enough to pry open the box and this is what he found.

That certainly qualifies as the biggest hive I’ve ever seen in my life. Needless to say, there was a tiny itty bitty swarm-like event, and a little bit of screaming and grown men and women running for their life. But when all was said and done, the abandoned hive ended up being a fascinating thing to look at.

Thanks, John and Bailey, for finding it and destroying it!

The Reason Why I’m So Groggy In The Morning

Andi — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:51:28 +0000

Lately, I’ve been getting by on just 3-4 hours of sleep a night. That worked fine for me once — you know, when I was in COLLEGE!! I’m not quite as resilient as I used to be, apparently. My fibro is flaring up and I’m dozing off in the middle of answering emails. And yet, every night it seems like I get less and less sleep. Whatever could possibly be the source of such distraction, you ask?

Let’s just call him a “new friend” and leave it at that, k?

A Few Seasons Too Late

Andi — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 18:23:39 +0000

Lately, I’ve been doing some spring cleaning, literally and figuratively. Yes, I know it’s not Spring. It just so happens that Autumn always feels like a fresh start, I think. It’s back-to-school time and it always brings up memories of fresh narrow-ruled paper, new crayons and sharpened pencils, and the crisp freshness in the air. I would much rather “Spring Clean” in the fall, because that’s when it feels right to me. Plus, the end of my relationship with Tyler has put me in the mood for new things.

In any event, I have started styling my hair a little shorter, a little darker and a little spikier. The most common compliments I get are that it brings out my eyes and makes me look spunky/sassy/adorable. I agree. It has given me a boost of confidence right when I needed it. I am unafraid — openly flirting with guys and ready for anything that life brings me. I know I’m beautiful, smart and funny, and if a guy doesn’t think that I fit with his idea of a woman, I couldn’t care less. There are men out there who think I’m gorgeous and who would be thrilled to spend time with me. I’m just going to take my time and look for them. And in the meantime, I’m going to flirt with every cute guy I see. INCLUDING that super hot security guard at work who just started working in the guard shack. Oh my heavens, he’s a tall drink of water! Next time he waves at me as I enter the hospital, I’m going to wave back. And maybe wink.

Speaking of guys, I’ve been asked out on a date already. I like him and I think he’s cute, but I can’t seem to find the time (honestly!) to get together with him. It will happen soon, though, and you’ll all hear about it when it does. Be kind to him, though — he reads my blog!

As far as my house goes, I’ve borrowed a husband (thanks, Kim!) and have given him a Honey-Do list to help me winterize my home. He’s going to do the stuff that I can’t, and within a few weeks, my yard will be fertilized, my gutters cleaned, my window wells secured, my flower beds weeded and mulched, my garage and basement cleaned and organized, and all my patio furniture safely stored away for the winter. And when that happens, I have the card table and the jigsaw puzzles ready to go. Lauren and I will cuddle up at night with mugs of hot chocolate and piece them together, one after another, as we hibernate the winter away.

Sounds like a fresh start to me!

Cramping More Than My Style

Andi — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 21:52:27 +0000

I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf and get back in shape, and I thought the best way to accomplish that would be to do some sort of physical exercise that was fun to me. So without any expense or any time commitment, I turned on my iPod, cranked up the volume and started dancing my butt off. Hopefully literally.

This song came up on rotation and holy sheebie, did I bust a move! I mean to tell you, I got JIGGY with it! If my daughter had been present, I would have embarrassed her! It was quite a scene, let me tell you.

And now?? I am sore in places I forgot I had, and my butt doesn’t seem to have changed at all.

Crap.

Meet Carly

Andi — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 16:48:07 +0000

I should be working on the schedule this morning, but instead I am cuddling my very sick little girl (who loves when she gets to be in Momma’s cozy bed, even if it means she’s sick) and entertaining myself by reading blogs. I’m confident I will meet the schedule deadline later this week, but right now my baby needs me. And I needed this:

One of my favorite blogs, Pacing The Panic Room, just posted this piece about a young girl named Carly Fleischmann from Canada, and I was instantly charmed by her.

One of my dearest friends has a 15 year old son, Caleb, with autism. I have always admired her strength and determination when it comes to caring for him and finding new ways to connect with him. I know that it is easier to assume that there is nothing beyond what is visible to the eye, that there is no cognitive awareness behind the flapping arms and the incomprehensible squeals. But maybe, just maybe, there is a functioning spirit trapped in that poorly functioning body. A person who cannot make their body communicate in the way they want to. I cannot imagine a more terrible thing than being a prisoner inside your own body.

I think it’s time we started to become more aware of those who suffer from this horrible condition. For Carly and Caleb, and all the others like them.

Carly’s Blog

Follow Carly on Twitter

Be a Fan of Carly on Facebook

Today’s Meditation

Andi — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 23:45:59 +0000

I have been reading and re-reading this version of St. Teresa’s Prayer almost constantly over the last week. This prayer, combined with my daughter’s juicy kisses and a fair bit of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, has definitely calmed my soul. I am aware that there are those who are suffering much more than I am right now. If that describes you, I hope it brings you as much peace as it has brought me.

May there be peace within.

May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others.

May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content with yourself just the way you are.

Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.”