A Thousand Miles From The Place I Was Born

Hey, remember when I said I was going to eat healthier? And remember how one of those things was to give up Pepsi? Yeah, well… caffeine withdrawal is an effing bitch, so I basically switched to Diet Pepsi (with Lime, because everything’s better with a twist of lime). So I’ve been drinking the diet stuff with the idea that I would start slipping in some Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi on occasion, and continue this weaning process until I was totally off the caffeine. And then I would quit. It could work, shut the hell up!

So this past weekend, CCB was here and made a trip to the grocery store. Because he is generally such an observant person, I mistakenly gave him a shopping list that made sense to ME. I asked for rolled oats, meaning a tub of Quaker’s finest would do the trick, and instead got a $40 bag of Bob’s Red Mill rolled oats. Twice the price for half the oats would have stirred up some emotion in me, but hey… it was his money, not mine, and I appreciated the effort. I also wrote “Pepsi” on the list, thinking assuming that he had heard me when I told him I had moved on to the Diet version. Alas, he returned with full-octane Pepsi. The stuff that had once been the bane of my existence. I smiled and told him it was fine, and secretly, I squealed with glee inside. Because see, the addict part of my personality said, “It’s not YOUR fault that he brought home regular Pepsi! And what are you going to do, let it go to waste? At this point, you practically HAVE to drink it!” And so I did.

With so much ceremonial bullshit, I poured myself a cold Pepsi in a frosty mug and took that first sip. I expected the burn, the rush, the sugary goodness caressing my taste buds… But what I got in return was far less exciting than I remembered. It was THICK… syrupy… and it tasted like chemicals and high fructose corn syrup. It was not at all as delicious as I used to think it was.

A few days later, I gave away the Pepsi to a friend and bought another pack of Diet Pepsi with Lime. And upon my first sip, I experienced the burn, the rush, the aaaaaaahhhhhh that comes with my daily caffeine fix. It tasted fresh, clean, crisp. It didn’t coat my tongue or taste like black tar. It was, simply put, delicious.

I used to hear people complain about how they couldn’t drink Diet sodas because they just tasted different. Well, they do. But interestingly enough, if you give them half a chance, you might just end up preferring them like I did.

Yeah, it’s still caffeine, but hey, it’s progress.