A Thousand Miles From The Place I Was Born

I was talking to my Mom (who lives in Ohio) on the phone last night and she totally pissed me off. Well, not in a “I hate you” kind of way… more like a “My Mom is so clueless” sort of way. Ok, and before I continue, let me just say that I know that some of my readers have AWESOME mothers who are really amazing people and they will not for one minute understand why I don’t have a lot of love and respect for my Mom. In fact, it might sound like I am a hugely ungrateful child. So let me just say that my childhood was unfortunate, and my relationship with my Mom is distant at best. And that’s a good thing. Because it allows me to be mildly annoyed with her instead of a sobbing lump on my psychiatrist’s couch.

So Mom made me mad last night because I told her that Lauren was selling Girl Scout Cookies next week and she said, “Oh, I love Girl Scout cookies! I called the local council to see if there were any girls in our neighborhood that were selling them!” And I said, “Well, Mom… Lauren’s selling them!” and she said, “Yeah, that will be fun for her. So the Girl Scout council never called me back, so now I don’t know how I’m going to get any cookies.”

Ok, if I have to be totally obvious and ASK YOU TO BUY COOKIES FROM YOUR OWN GRANDDAUGHTER, I give up. I mean, it’s not like we don’t have a whole “Utah-to-Ohio mule” in place with CCB’s travels back and forth from here to Detroit. He’s taking Christmas presents to them and bringing Christmas presents back to my sister. So is it totally out of the realm of possibility that CCB might be willing to transport a few boxes of Girl Scout cookies back to my Mom? I suppose it never occurred to her, but that’s kind of the point. She doesn’t think about us much. None of her daughters and grandchildren live within 5 hours of her (again, see the paragraph above that references our difficult childhoods) and instead of finding ways to be interested in her grandkids, she just sort of considers them an afterthought.

I will tell you this: as much as my ex-mother-in-law hates me, and even though my relationship with my ex is very strained right now, I bet that as Lauren’s adoring Grammy, she will buy a freaking case and pay for it to be shipped to her. Because Lauren is a priority to her, no matter what.

So I’m trying to figure out a way to tactfully ask my Mom to do what every Grandmother would and buy a few boxes of cookies from her Granddaughter instead of buying them from a total stranger. And I can’t find a way to do it without seeming needy. Any suggestions?