A Thousand Miles From The Place I Was Born

NaBloPoMo #19

My apologies to Naomi for what I’m about to say.  I know how she feels about this band, but I just have to say it:  I hate Nickelback.  And here is why:

1.  All their songs sound the same.  NOT because Chad Kroeger has a distinctive voice, although he does.  Because they have the same musical formula and the same melodies.  If you don’t believe me, watch this:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbCzGt7S7M4]

2.  Everything is about sex.  Not the “Oh you’re so sexy, I want to get a piece of that!” kind of sex, but the “Oh, you’re such a disgusting slut and I want to humiliate and degrade you!” kind.  Because ladies, isn’t that the kind of stuff that turns us all on?  Lyrics such as:

I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that’s on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you’re looking up at me
You’re like my favorite damn disease.”

Or this one, which is just so freaking classy, guys:

You’re so much cooler
When you never pull it out
So much cuter
With something in your mouth.”

So here’s my message to Nickelback:  I understand that it might be hard to find anyone who will sleep with you without first being paid (in cash).  That probably has everything to do with your Rock-Star Looks (seriously, does Chad’s Golden Retriever hair and face work for ANYONE?).  But seriously, fellas… you have money, right?  There’s got to be somebody with low self-esteem who will hang out with you.  So would you please just get a girlfriend already and shut up?  You’re driving the rest of us crazy.