A Thousand Miles From The Place I Was Born

Last night, I left the hospital and headed to my ex-husband’s house to pick up Lauren.  It was close to her bedtime when I got there, and I was exhausted.  It had been a long, physically strenuous and emotionally draining day at work.  I just wanted to curl up in my comfy bed and pass out.  Not to mention that the temperature outside was plummeting rapidly, which only made me crave the warmth of my fluffy comforter that much more.

When we got into the car, Lauren began to sing “The Star Spangled Banner”.  She had performed it at an assembly with her class earlier in the day, and was filled with all sorts of Americana Pride.  I don’t mind this, but if she ever starts to sing Lee Greenwood, I’m going to have to put my foot down.  Anyway, because I will do damn near anything to make my kid laugh (which is the best sound in the whole world, if you didn’t know), I began to substitute words in The Star Spangled Banner with words that would make her laugh.  Specifically, potty-talk. (Oh, say can you PEE?)  I killed, people.  She was rolling with laughter!

By the time we got home, my horrible day at work was forgotten and Lauren was overflowing with Mommy-love.  We were happy, giggling, hugging, kissing… it always amazes me how quickly Lauren can right every wrong for me. 

As we got into our jammies and brushed our teeth, Lauren said that she wished she was a teenager, because teenagers always get to stay up late.  I suppressed a giggle, because oh honey, if you knew the angst that went along with being a teenager, you wouldn’t be in such a hurry to get there!  But I struck upon an idea:  I was dying to curl up in my bed, and knowing how very un-tired my baby-est girl was, I doubted that I would get the opportunity to rest uninterrupted in my bed.  So I proposed that she have a Teenager Night.  The rules of Teenager Night were easy:  You can stay up as late as you want, but you have to be quiet and you have to stay in your bed.  Lauren was thrilled!  She announced that she was going to stay up until MIDNIGHT and do whatever she wanted!  Party time!

I checked in on her before going to bed.  She was sitting on top of her comforter, her dozen pillows behind her, reading Charlotte’s Web.  Satisfied that she wasn’t going to participate in any wild Teenager activities, I curled up in bed and called CCB.  We had been talking for about an hour when I realized that it was pretty quiet in her room.  I snuck across the hall and opened her door quietly. 

She had grown tired of reading, I suppose, and decided that Teenager Night was really exhausting.  She was under the covers, her pillows stacked neatly next to the bed, the lights off, the nightlights on, and her Camp Rock CD playing softly in the background.  She put herself to bed by doing all the things I routinely do for her every night.  (All together now: Awwwwww!)

When she woke up this morning (bright and early at 7:05!!!) she announced that Teenager Night was somewhat of a bust.  See, staying up late is only fun when you’re not tired to begin with.  So Lauren proposed that she have a Teenager Day.  Her idea of how this would work included a) doing chores before playing, b) making her own breakfast and lunch, and c) entertaining herself all afternoon.

People, I have discovered Parenting Nirvana here.

So Lauren helped me gather the trash, haul all the dirty laundry to the mud room, made her own breakfast and lunch, and is now spending the afternoon perusing the Kids’ Encyclopedias that I bought from the door-to-door salesman (Internet, I am powerless against solicitators!)  She just looked up at me and said, “Mom!  You didn’t need to tell me about Grandma’s kidney stone because there’s a picture of one RIGHT HERE!”

Teenager Day, I want to give you a big sloppy kiss!!!